Spider McGee's All-Night Movies Podcast #01: Smart Blonde (1937)

Randy/Spider's co-host for his other podcast was sick, so he threw this together. It's the entire 1937 Torchy Blane film Smart Blonde, talked over in an annoying manner, and you can't even watch it. There will be more episodes. Not because it's popular, but because it's fun to do.

Listen or Download Here.

Here's to Plain Speaking and Clear Understanding

Hammett's basic story is adhered to, though there are 

some liberties taken now and again, and the seedier aspects 

of the plot have been sanitized for 1940s audiences.

 At one hundred minutes, this film is a good twenty minutes longer than any other screen adaptation of Dashiell Hammett's novel The Maltese Falcon. It's a fine film, more well-crafted than the two previous versions. As I've explained, the reason I chose the three Falcon adaptations to start this blog is that they pretty much encompass the 1930s Warner Bros/First National era for me. Almost every old movie I love came out of the Warner studios during that time frame. There are many, many of them. Bogart is in some of them, but other names will pop up. People like Barton MacLane, who played Inspector Dundy here. He was a Warner contract player who had been in bit parts as thugs and gangsters, but found himself in a genuine cinema classic here. He'd later work with Bogart and director John Huston again in 1948's The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, but that's not at all the type of film I'm going to cover here. You'll see him referenced mostly in his role as Steve McBride alongside Glenda Farrell in the Torchy Blane series. That's exactly my speed. I don't enjoy gritty realism and darkness in movies. If I want realism, I'll stand up and go outside.

Jerome Cowan, using visual cues to project his horniness, plays 

it sleazy as Spade's partner Archer and is quickly killed off. 

 The plot, though tweaked just a bit, is pretty much the same as the original Maltese Falcon in 1931 and Satan Met a Lady in 1936: mystery lady visits the private detective's office with a phony story, detective's partner gets killed trying to help her, turns out there's a weird object that everyone is looking for, then the mystery lady's story changes again, police try to shake down the private eye, the object is recovered, it turns out to be fake, and the mystery lady ends up being turned in for the murder by the private eye, even though he loved her. I know, right? It's that simple, and not that simple.

Barton MacLane (left), who'll be better known for his roles in the 

Torchy Blane films here, is Inspector Dundy to Ward Bond's Sgt. Polhaus.

Bond (right) was the lead in Wagon Train until his death in 1960. 
He also portrayed Bert the cop in It's a Wonderful Life. 

 These were more moral times, owing to the self-enforced movie production code, and changes were made. Sam makes one fleeting reference to Dundy being Polhaus' "boyfriend" in the 1941 version, and I think that was more strongly implied in the novel and earlier film. Also, Joel Cairo's probable homosexuality is toned down to him wearing sweet-smelling perfume. The scene in the 1931 version where Spade forces Ruth to strip is completely gone. Any indication that they slept together is glossed over. Ruth doesn't seem to be as bad of a two-faced whore as she was in 1931, either. She's more sympathetic, and her character softened. The movie couldn't have been made if it wasn't. There is no, and I mean no, sexual tension between Spade and his secretary Effie. This was a radical departure from the previous filmed versions. Perhaps it was because she wasn't wearing the same sexy dresses they were. They were just asking for it, you know? Come on, tell me you know. I'll wait.

Lee Patrick as a very weak Effie Perrine. She and Sam Spade have no 

sexual chemistry whatsoever. This might be due to studio censorship.  

 Samuel Spade in The Maltese Falcon (1941), Rick Blaine in Casablanca (1942), and Philip Marlowe in The Big Sleep (1946) are all very different characters, and that's the only problem, if any, I have with Bogart. He plays them exactly the same way. Bogart was a move star, and probably the biggest movie star, of his time. He was going to do his thing, and he wasn't really going to go outside those boundaries. I love all these movies, mind you, but I know that's not the way they were written. It's hard not to think of Bogart in these roles. There was a very popular Sam Spade radio series in the 1940s with Howard Duff, and he didn't even bother to try and imitate Bogart. It was self-referential and mostly played for laughs. Bogart could act, though, as demonstrated in The African Queen (1951) and The Caine Mutiny (1954).

Gladys George as Iva Archer. She greets Spade with a kiss on the lips 

following the death of her husband. Their affair is not mentioned. 

 It's a good film...some would say a great film, sure. It is stylish and does convey the story in an effective manner. It's certainly more well-made than the two previous versions, no doubt about that. But it's very much a thing of its time. It's a story much more raw than the standards of the time would permit on the screen, so the end product is subdued. It's a pretty sexy and violent tale, but you wouldn't know that simply by watching the movie.

Now, there is a sequel. Or more than one sequel, depending on your belief system. In the original story (and don't quote me on this), hired gunsel Wilmer (Elisha Cook, Jr.) shoots both Joel Cairo and Kaspar Gutman dead before they can be arrested. This wasn't referred to in the 1941 version, so the implication is that they got away. With this in mind, there was a fairly silly Sam Spade radio episode in which Gutman returned. In 1975, Columbia released The Black Bird, a parody sequel starring George Segal as Sam Spade, Jr.  Elisha Cook, Jr. and Lee Patrick both appeared, reprising their roles from the 1941 version. I have not seen it. The sad part is, I think I actually have it, and I haven't seen it. Life is too short.

It's more strongly implied in the novel that Cairo and Gutman 

are homosexuals. In this film the cues are all visual, as

Cairo fondles the umbrella in a highly suggestive manner. 

 Humphrey Bogart died in 1957 of esophageal cancer. Peter Lorre died in 1964 from a stroke. Ward Bond died in 1960 of a sudden heart attack while Wagon Train was still a huge hit on TV. Sydney Greenstreet died in 1954 from diabetes and kidney disease. When Barton MacLane died of pneumonia on New Year's Day, 1969, he had a recurring role on I Dream of Jeannie. Three of his episodes were broadcast after his death. Elisha Cook Jr., who played Wilmer, died in 1995 from a stroke at age 91. Gladys George died from a cerebral hemorrhage in 1954. Lee Patrick died in 1982 of a heart seizure. Mary Astor lived until 1987.  A heavy smoker, director John Huston died from pneumonia brought on by emphysema in 1987. Don't ask me why I dwell so much on the deaths of movie stars. Not a clue. I have not a clue.

An Oscar-nominated performance by British actor Sydney 

Greenstreet as Kasper Gutman.  He soon appeared as Signor 

Ferrari in the 1942 Bogart classic Casablanca.

I Mistrust a Man Who Says "When"*

 This one has taken a long time to write. It's hard to describe, really. I started writing this a week or so ago, then delayed it while I watched the film again. I've seen it many times now and it's still tough to get a handle on.

 Now, the reason I gave such a detailed description of the plot of the original Maltese Falcon in the previous post (not the one about Peg Entwistle, the one before it) was because it was complicated, and so I wouldn't have to go over it again. As you'll see (or not), there's really no point in going over this plot anyway. In 1935, Warner Brothers wanted to re-release the original 1931 film, but the Hayes Code had gone into effect by that time and the sexier elements of that film wouldn't allow it to happen. Warner decided it would be just as easy to remake it and assigned contract writer Brown Holmes to write a screenplay. Filming began on Dec. 1, 1935. The cast was made up of Warner contract players whose names you'll see pop up time and time again (assuming I can find the time to keep writing these reviews), and included Winifred (Wini) Shaw, Marie Wilson, Warren William, and Bette Davis.

 First off, Bette Davis hated the script and wanted no part of the movie.  She failed to report for filming for three days and complained to Jack Warner personally, Warner made some promises to Davis to keep her happy (good luck with that), but she was finally suspended the next year on God's Country and the Woman when she didn't show up for filming. But forget about her. This film really belongs to Warren William.

 Warren William, though now obscure, would become known as "The King of Pre-Code". He was a huge star in the 1930s and was in everything. He had a distinguished career on the stage as well and was the suavest damn refined Englishman ever to come out of Aitkin, Minnesota. He starred in First National's Perry Mason films and his final one, The Case of the Velvet Claws, was also released in 1936 (oddly, he was replaced by Ricardo Cortez for the next Perry Mason film, 1936's The Case of the Black Cat).  He was generally the highlight of whatever he was in, which may be why he was cast in this.

Marie Wilson as Miss Murgatroyd, perfecting the ditzy

Marilyn Monroe character two decades before the fact.

 The plot is incidental. It takes the basic formula of The Maltese Falcon and mixes in liberal amounts of nonsense and humor. All the characters have undergone name changes and the falcon is now a legendary horn supposedly packed with jewels. Shane's affair with his partner Ames' (Porter Hall) wife (Winifred Shaw) is sanitized to have occurred years before. Ames' murder is treated like a minor plot point, which in truth it is. Shane's secretary, Miss Murgatroyd (Marie Wilson), is my favorite character in the film. She's a great comic actress and cute, too. Her part is much more substantial than in either of the other Falcon films. At the time of filming she was barely 19 years old. She went on to a career in radio, film, and television as the ditzy My Friend Irma (a virtual template for the "dumb blonde" character Marilyn Monroe would later become internationally famous for). I have noticed that her dress is nearly identical to the one worn by Una Merkel in the 1931 version.

The affair between Shane and Ames' wife is handled with 

kid gloves here. It's established that she married Ames 

only after Shane went away, three years previously.

 Some actors, you wonder what they're doing here. The Casper Gutman character here is now Madame Barabas (Alison Skipworth), a notorious master criminal who seeks to possess the ridiculous jewel-filled horn at any cost. Skipworth (known as "Skippy" to her friends, not a joke) was a bona fide English Shakespearean actress who first appeared on the stage in 1894. She drank tea in her own garden every afternoon and lived to the age of 88. The Joel Cairo character is now Anthony Travers (Arthur Treacher), a very tall and jolly Englishman. Arthur Treacher is more famous for later lending his name to a chain of fish and chip restaurants, of which there are currently (according to Wikipedia) about seven still left in existence.

Oh, how she hated this movie. Did not want to be here.

 Again, I'm not discussing the plot much. It simply doesn't matter here. It's a very silly movie, even though I love it. In fact, in many ways it's my favorite of the three Falcon films. Bette Davis loathed it, and that's enough for me. She was overrated in my opinion and not especially talented in the acting department if you ask me (and you did not). I prefer Glenda Farrell. Who's Glenda Farrell, you ask? Oh, we will discuss that later. We certainly shall. I have opinions and I'm eager to share them.

 There are no real plot twists if you're familiar with the 1931 or 1941 versions, though there are enough diversions from Hammett's original story that you might mistake it for something else if you're not paying attention. I suspect that the screenwriter had seen The Thin Man (based on another Hammett work) a few times and just wanted to write that instead.

 It's an enjoyable film. Completely harmless, with no flying robots, superheroes, or major explosions. This is the sort of movie they made eighty years ago, because it was made eighty years ago. For an hour and change, there are no cell phones, no internet, no drama. It's precisely the kind of film you watch in the middle of the night...because at the Hour of the Wolf, it makes the howling seem just a bit quieter.

If you thought a falcon statue was ridiculous, oh boy.

 Warren William's frequent co-star Joan Blondell (more about her later) said that off-screen he was shy and had always seemed like an old man. He died on September 24, 1948, from multiple myeloma at age 53. Marie Wilson died of cancer on November 23, 1972 at the age of 56. Bette Davis outlived them all, because evil never really dies, expiring at age 81 on October 6, 1989. I'm not sure how the tobacco companies handled it, but they should have worn black armbands for weeks in her honor. Because she smoked so, so much.

 * In the 1941 Falcon, and apparently also in Hammett's book, Gutman says "I distrust a man who says 'When'". In this film, Madame Barabas says "I mistrust a man who says 'When'". It was probably an artistic choice, but who knows. I don't know what he says in the 1931 version and I'm too lazy to check. 

Off Topic: In Defense of Peg Entwistle

 The real Peg Entwistle, whose death made headlines.

 Now, I'm no expert on these old, old movies. I pick up a lot of facts because I do research where possible. When I see someone I don't recognize, I try to see what else they were in. Peg Entwistle I have never seen in a film. In fact, she was mostly a stage actress and made only one full-length film, Thirteen Women, which premiered a month after she died in 1932. Peg was born in Wales and came to New York, where she acted in plays in the 1920s. Bette Davis, in a 1987 interview, stated that she was inspired to become an actress after seeing Peg Entwistle on stage. After a divorce and many career disappointments by age 24, she climbed a workman's ladder and lept to her death from the 'H' in the Hollywoodland (now the Hollywood) sign. Her suicide note read: "I am afraid, I am a coward. I am sorry for everything. If I had done this a long time ago, it would have saved a lot of pain. P.E."

 That would appear to be the end of the story, but it's not.

Peg re-imagined as a modern mouthless ghost in 

a segment of SyFy's Paranormal Witness show.

 In the many decades since, there have been multiple reports of a woman near the Hollywood Sign. Dubbed the Woman in White, she'll appear confused, or lost, and then simply disappear. She wears 1930s-syle clothing and is always accompanied by the scent of gardenias, which was Peg's favorite perfume. If there is a ghost, it's harmless. By all accounts she was a loving, vulnerable person.

 So.

 Not too long ago, I'm watching the SyFy Channel (first mistake) and I happen upon a program called Paranormal Witness. Mind you, these are recreations of true events. They even have the actual people who experienced these things narrating it. So it must be absolutely, completely true, right? Well, turns out an ethnically-diverse group of friends squeeze through the fence and hike up to the Hollywood Sign one night, and they have a great time. But on their way down, they are confronted by a sinister woman in white, a mouthless spirit with glowing eyes that relentlessly pursues and tries to murder them. I've heard stories of the Woman in White, and I'm 50/50 on them. Maybe it's a ghost, maybe even the ghost of Peg Entwistle. But has this ghost adopted modern horror sensibilities and a sinister new inclination for vengeance? Doubtful.

 It's a bunch of crap. As the Kardashians proved, people will literally watch anything, and any story you tell in front of a camera will immediately be accepted as fact. SyFy is irresponsible and wrong here. I'm sorry to discredit the network that brought us Sharknado, but look what I did. I just said it.

Screw you guys, you have no sense of truth or history. Come to Texas and I'll fight every one of you.

 I've been distracted of late, but I will be back in a few days and continue my review of Satan Met a Lady, which stars Warren William and Bette Davis, among others. It's an old favorite.

Let's Talk About the Black Bird

~ Before we begin, and this will be true for every movie here: Here Be Spoilers. Endings will be discussed, plot twists revealed. It's just what we do here. If you've not seen the 1931 version of The Maltese Falcon, it's on you. You've literally had 85 years to do it. My conscience is clear. -- SM ~

Ricardo Cortez, like Ramon Novarro and Rudolph Valentino before him, was a smooth Latin lover with dark eyes and a winning smile. He'd worked as a stockbroker before entering the movie business in the '20s, and he soon became a popular romantic leading man. His New York accent translated well to the talkies, and he also took on some roles as tough guys and heavies. Ricardo Cortez was everything a Latin leading man should be, except he wasn't Latin at all. He was born Jacob Krantz to a Jewish family in New York City in 1900. He made well over one hundred films before he retired in the '40s to again work as a stockbroker on Wall Street. In Warner's 1931 adaptation of Dashiell Hammett's The Maltese Falcon, he's the first screen personification of Samuel Spade, a flawed man who usually tries to do the right thing even though he's been sleeping with his partner's wife. 

Spade's partner Miles Archer (Walter Long) agrees to follow Floyd Thursby, a suspect that a mystery woman, Ruth Wonderly (Bebe Daniels), claims has abducted her younger sister. Spade is awakened in the middle of the night to the news that Archer has been killed in San Francisco's Chinatown, but declines to view the body at the scene. This arouses the suspicion of police, who in these movies are always suspicious of everything anyway. After saying he needs to tell Archer's wife, Spade chats briefly with a Chinese man loitering in a doorway, but then goes home. Sgt. Polhaus (J. Farrell MacDonald) and Lieutenant Dundy (Robert Elliott) then visit Spade at his apartment later that night to inform him that Thursby has also been shot dead in the street. Sam had not told Archer's wife the bad news himself, but had put it on his secretary Effie (Una Merkel) to do instead. The police think Spade killed Thursby for revenge, and he has no explanation where he's been for the previous few hours. But they don't have any real evidence against him and leave.

The next day, Spade confronts Ruth Wonderly and tries to get her real story. She admits she was lying about her sister but doesn't offer much information, except that she and Thursby were actually working together and now she feels her life is in danger. Sam leaves, but not before taking $500 more of Miss Wonderly's money to stay on the case. Back at the office, Sam tells Effie to have Archer's name removed from the office door and he's visited by Joel Cairo (Otto Matieson), who offers him $5,000 to retrieve a black bird statuette. Spade knows nothing about it, but Cairo pulls a gun on him and searches his office anyway. 

Samuel Spade (Ricardo Cortez) and Effie Perine

 (Una Merkel) hint at a more personal relationship

 than was seen in any later version of the story.

Later that night at his apartment, Spade asks Ruth about Cairo and the Falcon, and she tries to seduce him when she fears she'll lose his help. They're interrupted by Dundy and Poulhaus, and he talks to them outside the door about his relationship with his late partner's wife. As they're leaving, Ruth screams. They enter Spade's apartment only to find her holding a gun on Cairo. Spade makes up a ridiculous story on the spot about it being a joke, that he and Cairo are old college chums, and he leaves at the same time as the police. The next morning (the indication being that Sam and Ruth have had "the sex"), Sam takes Ruth's keys as she's sleeping and goes to search her apartment. He doesn't find anything and when he returns to his own place he's confronted by Iva Archer, who is upset that Ruth has slept there. Soap opera much? Well, there's a lot of plot in this one, much more than in the typical detective story. Iva is pissed and leaves, making threats to tell the police everything she knows. Spade gets a note from Casper Gutman (Dudley Digges) wishing to discuss the Falcon. Gutman offers to cut Spade in on a fortune if he'll locate the statue. Spade lies and says he can deliver it in a few days and Gutman gives him a $1000 bill. Cairo then arrives and informs Gutman that Spade does not have it, the Captain of the La Paloma does, that that ship arrives from Hong Kong tonight. Gutman gives Spade a drugged drink and takes back his money when he passes out. That night, when Spade returns to his office, he finds Effie sleeping at his desk. His door opens and a man carrying a suitcase staggers in. It's Captain Jacoby of the La Paloma, having been shot many times. He collapses to the floor, dead. The suitcase contains the Falcon statue, so Spade checks the bag at a baggage check to keep it safe and sends himself the ticket in the mail. Meanwhile, Iva has been singing to the police, and Spade is called in to see the District Attorney (Morgan Wallace). He convinces the D.A. to give him 24 hours to wrap up the case and clear himself. Back then you always got 24 hours to clear yourself and find the real murderer. Fair was fair back then. It was a different time.

Thelma Todd as Iva Archer, one of the pre-code 

elements that kept this film out of circulation for years.

Wonderly meets Sam outside his building, claiming she's being followed. They go upstairs to his apartment and are confronted by Cairo and Gutman. Cairo is pointing a gun at them, as is Gutman's hired gunsel, Wilmer Cook (Dwight Fry, almost unrecognizable as this was the same year he was Renfield to Bela Lugosi's Dracula). Gutman now knows that Spade has the Falcon, and gives him ten $1,000 bills in an envelope. Spade insists that someone has to take the fall for the three killings, and that it should be Wilmer. Gutman says no, and Spade then suggests that Cairo be the patsy. Cairo nixes that, and says Spade should just shut his yip yap and cough up the bird. I'm paraphrasing, of course. Spade says he'll produce it the next morning, and everyone settles in to wait. Wonderly offers to make snacks, and Gutman accuses her of stealing one of the bills from the envelope. She denies it, so Spade takes her in the kitchen and makes her peel down (off-screen, of course...it's 1931, let's not get crazy here) to prove she doesn't have it. She doesn't have it, so when Spade returns to the living room he accuses Gutman of palming the bill, which he admits to doing. Honor among thieves? Not even! Spade now tells Gutman that Wilmer will be the fall guy. Gutman and Cairo have a huddle session where they discuss it, and Wilmer pulls his gun on Spade. Spade clocks him, and all agree that Wilmer will be the patsy. Spade calls Effie and asks her to retrieve the suitcase, and Gutman reveals that Wilmer had indeed killed Thursby and Jacoby. When Effie brings the Falcon, it's revealed that it's a fake...a previous owner has made a duplicate copy. Gutman and Cairo quickly decide to go find the real one. As they leave, they hold a gun on Spade and demand the $10,000 back. After they've left, Spade calls Polhaus and tells him to get Gutman, Cairo, and Wilmer. He then confronts Wonderly and accuses her of killing Archer so she could throw suspicion on Thursby and deal him out. She admits to it, and Sam says he loves her but he's still turning her in for the murder. Dundy and Polhaus arrive and reveal that Wilmer shot both Gutman and Cairo dead before being captured. Spade tells them that Ruth killed Archer and they take her away. A newspaper headline is shown on screen informing us that Spade produced the only eyewitness to the Archer killing, the Chinese merchant he spoke to at the scene, at Ruth's murder trial. Spade, smoking a cigarette, visits Ruth in prison and tells her he's now Chief Investigator for the D.A.'s office. He tells the prison matron to treat her well and give her whatever she wants. The matron asks who'll pay for the special treatment, and Spade says to send the bill to the D.A.'s office, and that he'll okay it. 

It's a fake!

I admit I'm not completely scholarly on the book version. I listened to the audio book but I don't remember if Sam visits Ruth in jail or if they just added that to make it seem a little more hopeful. I know that certainly didn't happen in the 1941 remake, and 1936's  Satan Met a Lady...that's another matter entirely. That was just a flat-out comedy for the most part. We'll get to that. This version was made before the self-imposed Hollywood censorship of the mid-1930s, so after its original run it was rarely shown at all unedited. There is much sexual suggestion here, and the Gutman-Cairo relationship (Hammett had strongly implied they were homosexuals) is more pronounced. Spade taunts Dundy by calling him "sweetheart" and "darling". The off-screen stripping is one thing, but at one point Ruth Wonderly is seen in a bathtub and you almost for a second see nip. It had to have been a huge deal way back when. No, seriously. They didn't do that then. I mean bathe. No, I'm kidding, of course. By 1936, Warner wanted to re-release it, but was denied approval by the Production Code Office because it was deemed "lewd". At that point, the studio just made a new film with a new cast and some major re-writes. That film was Satan Met a Lady. Again, we'll get to that. It's a fun one.

Unlike the 1941 version, Sam visits Ruth in jail. 

I first saw this version of the movie as an extra on a Maltese Falcon DVD years ago. I disregarded it and didn't think much about it because I was such a huge fan of the Bogart remake. I certainly had no idea that Satan Met a Lady was a thing until fairly recently. But I've watched this one a few times now. It's getting better every time. Ricardo Cortez is believable, the guys who play the cops are suitably grumpy, and the villains are oily and sleazy. It's good casting all around. Bebe Daniels had a long career in silent films and was a huge star when this came out, and she's gorgeous. I'm definitely an Una Merkel fan, though. She's stunning, and I may have a thing for secretaries. In fact, Marie Wilson, who played the Effie part in Satan Met a Lady, is another one I'll be sure to go on and on about when I discuss that one. And Thelma Todd is always great to look at. It's a fine film in my opinion. Nothing wrong with it. I don't rate thumbs or stars. I either like it or I don't. This one I like.

Ricardo Cortez, age 76, died in 1977. Bebe Daniels ultimately made 230 films. She retired from film and moved to the U.K, were she and her husband did radio shows for the BBC. She died in 1971 at age 70. Despite a 1952 suicide attempt, Una Merkel died in 1986 at 82. Dwight Frye died of a heart attack in 1943, age 44. Thelma Todd died in 1935 at 29 of accidental carbon monoxide poisoning, though there were unproven allegations it was murder. Otto Matieson, 38, died in a car wreck in Arizona in 1932, and this was his final role.

All My Friends Are Dead

First, I must confess to a long history of abandoned blogs under various names. I mean, it's fantastic to be into typewriters and want to talk about them, but how long can that last? Sure, I have dozens of them...but after a few pictures and samples of type, where do you go? Nowheresville, that's where...and that's not even a place. So it was a while before I thought about doing another blog. I still have the typewriters and still enjoy them, but my interests widened. I developed a taste for old pulp magazines. They're great, but they're quite expensive and they fall apart in your hands. Besides, I stopped buying stuff from Ebay and Etsy completely, so there's really not much chance I'll be acquiring more of them any time soon. Where does that leave me? What else are my interests?

Well, there's one.

Look, I grew up on movies and TV. I was a huge comics fan and I was crazy about Star Wars and the '70s Incredible Hulk show. It was great. Then. I became an adult, and Marvel movies became a thing and Star Wars made a huge comeback. Geeks everywhere celebrated, but I didn't. I realized that I'm not a geek. Or at least not that kind. I don't care about The Big Bang Theory or any sci-fi or comics fan culture. I'm way past all that. It means nothing to me anymore. I haven't watched any of the TV shows that people tell me to. In fact, my wall-mounted flat screen TV gets very little use unless I turn to Turner Classic Movies. More often than not, unless there's some crappy Italian horror movie or incomprehensible Bergman film on, TCM is my cable channel of choice. They have the movies I like. The 1930s Warner Brothers titles.

Now, I don't just limit myself to just Warner Brothers. I love the Marx Brothers, Wheeler and Woolsey, Abbott and Costello, and the Three Stooges also. I love the Universal monster flicks and the poverty-row cheapo ripoffs with Karloff and Lugosi and Atwill as well. I love them all...but I always go back to the Warner films, because that's where my friends are.

In the studio system days, contract players worked constantly, and they showed up in almost every configuration. Paul Muni and Glenda Farrell starred in the tense crime drama I Am a Fugitive From a Chain Gang one year and the featherweight newspaper comedy Hi Nellie! the next. Some actors (like Allen Jenkins or Joan Blondell) made ten pictures a year. We'll get into all of that later, though.

Years ago, I got to the point where everyone was talking about the latest junk coming out of Hollywood and rushing to it like it mattered. I haven't even been in a movie theater in seven years because there's nothing coming out I want to see. Do I care to see the latest Marvel movie? No thanks. How about Star Wars? Like there's a difference. Not for me, not anymore. Am I bitter and cynical? I try not to be. But Hollywood has gotten that way. Maybe it always has been, but I haven't always been aware of it.

Currently, I have about 500 movies on my hard drive. With a few exceptions, none of them are newer than 1955. I remember a time when TV stations played movies all night. Some were crappy, mind you, but there was no internet to distract you. There were no infomercials, no satellite radio, no smartphones, just you and the night. I miss that time. It can't return, really, or can it? If you have 500 movies in a folder, can't you just get VLC player to play them in random order and have movies all night long? You can. I can. And I do.

My friends never let me down or disappoint me, because they're all long dead. Paul Muni died in 1967, the year I was born. Glenda Farrell died in 1971. Joan Blondell died in 1979. Allen Jenkins died in 1974. You know what Allen's last role was? He was the old telegraph operator in the final scene of the 1974 Lemon/Matthau remake of The Front Page, and he died months before it was released. I know Joan Blondell was in Grease in 1978, but I don't want to see my friends get old and sick. I'm not focusing on that at all.

In my view, the 1930s were the best decade for movies, and that will be the bulk of what I discuss here. We'll definitely dip into the 1940s for sure, and touch on the 1950s, but that's about as far as it goes. We're not at all limited to Warner Brothers, either, as many of their stars broke away and went elsewhere. And there were some great films made by other studios who had their own stable of contract players. It's a rich tapestry. I don't consider any of this ironic, by the way, and I'm not a hipster looking to make fun of bad movies. I may not love every one of the films I talk about, but I do love old movies. Besides, a true hipster would never admit it.

We have to start somewhere, so the first three films I talk about will encompass the classic 1930s era of film, roughly 1931-1941. Oddly, they're all the same movie...sort of.  First, I'll discuss the original 1931 film version of The Maltese Falcon, with Ricardo Cortez and Bebe Daniels. Second, I'll look at the 1936 remake of that film, Satan Met a Lady, with Warren William and Bette Davis. Third, I'll peer into the 1941 re-remake of the very same film, The Maltese Falcon, with Humphrey Bogart and Mary Astor. And, while I am reviewing a very famous film here, I will assure you that I'll not look at any color or technicolor films, and certainly not Gone With the Wind or The Wizard of Oz. That's not what we do here.

Now, once I view these films again, I will begin. Expect posts no more than a few times a week, by the way. I also have a full-time job in the food-service industry and a part-time job pretending to be a writer. At the rate I procrastinate and put things off, it could take years to watch all these movies, but I'll get to them sooner or later. And that's a guaranteed promise...whatever that means.